Your Broken Place Is Sacred

(This one is best heard alone in private and not while driving.)

Some losses don’t just hurt, they shock the whole body. If you’re carrying a death that came too suddenly, too violently, or too unfairly, you may know that lonely feeling of waking up at 3 a.m. with grief in your throat and no words that fix it. We’re not going to make it easy. We’re going to make it honest and we’re going to stay with you.

We begin with an anchor from Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” We sit with what that does and does not promise. Then we turn to the shortest, sharpest grief line in the Gospels: “Jesus wept.” Even knowing how the story ends, Jesus chooses presence over bypassing. If your faith feels strong, worn thin, or somewhere in between, you’re welcome here exactly as you are.

From there, we share practical support from an emergency response toolkit for trauma and traumatic grief developed by Patricia Mathes Cane, PhD. (Dr. Cane's website is: www.capacitar.org)

If this brought you even a small sense of steadiness, subscribe so you don’t miss new Friday releases, share it with someone who’s grieving, and leave a review so more people can find a place to breathe.

Art, Artifacts, Fabric and Design:  https://www.etsy.com/shop/vasonaArts?ref=seller-platform-mcnav and  https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/candee-lucas and https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/vasonaarts

ELECTRONIC BOOKS:  1000 IMAGES OF JESUS  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F2SFH4Z6

Music and sound effects today by:   via Pixabay

Transcript

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Welcome And Listening Guidance

Candee 0:34

Welcome to Solace. Soul + Grief. I'm glad you're here. My name is Candee Lucas. I'm a Jesuit trained chaplain and spiritual director. I hope to be available to those who are grieving. You're always welcome in our circle of healing love and support. Today's podcast is best heard alone in private and not while driving.

Naming Traumatic Grief Honestly

Candee 1:06

Before we say anything else, I want us to sit for a moment with the truth of why we might be here. Many of us carry a death that came too suddenly, too violently, or too unfairly. A death that didn't let us say goodbye. A death that still visits us at three in the morning, uninvited. There's no easy way into a room like this one, so I'm not going to try to make it easy. I'm going to try to make it honest. There's a short verse in the Psalms, just eight words in most translations, that I want to give you as a kind of anchor for the rest of this session. Psalm 34, verse 18 says, The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. It does not say the brokenhearted will quickly feel better. It does not say the crushed in spirit will understand why this happened to them or find some tidy meaning in it by Sunday afternoon. It doesn't rush toward healing. What it says is simpler and in some ways harder to believe. That brokenness is exactly the place where God draws close, where God draws us close. It's not the place God avoids because it's too dark or too raw. It's not the place we have to clean ourselves up before we're allowed to enter, to enter it with Him. That broken place is the place of nearness. If you've experienced a traumatic death, a death by violence, by accident, by suicide, by a diagnosis that came out of nowhere and took someone before you were ready, you may have spent a long time feeling like your grief was too much, too messy, too dark for other people to sit with, maybe even too dark for God to sit with. But I'd like to offer you a different picture. In the Gospel of John, when Jesus arrives at the tomb of his friend Lazarus, too late and sees Lazarus' sister Mary weeping, and sees the mourners around her weeping, the text says simply, Jesus wept. Two words. He knew even then that in a few minutes he would call Lazarus back to life. He knew how the story ended. But he wept anyway. Grief was not beneath him or beyond him. Sorrow was not something he rushed past on the way to the miracle. He entered into it fully alongside the people that he loved. That's the invitation of today's podcast. Not to rush toward resolution, not to perform healing before you've actually done any healing, but to let this place be a place where your grief, however sudden, however violent, however long you've been carrying it in silence, is met with nearness instead of distance. You don't have to explain your loss here to make it acceptable. You don't have to have it processed correctly. You don't have to be further along than you are. You only have to be here as you are, in the place the Psalm names, that brokenhearted place, trusting that it is not a place of abandonment, but the very place where you are met. So as we begin, I invite you to take a breath. Let your shoulders drop an inch, and however you carry your faith, whether it feels strong today or worn thin, let this space be one where you don't have to carry it alone. Let's begin.

Trauma Toolkit And Breathwork

Candee 5:57

Patricia Mathes Cane, PhD, has developed an emergency response toolkit for those who are suffering trauma and traumatic grief. She notes that the health of body, mind, and emotions is continuously affected by trauma, violence, weather diet, environment, daily news, and the challenges of life. The use of simple ancient healing skills can empower us to live with peace and well-being, no matter what is happening around us. The following exercises are offered to be used at times when we feel drained, scattered, depressed, or overwhelmed. These tools are for all of us, whether we are survivors of trauma, caregivers working with others, or persons overwhelmed and stressed by daily life and the challenges of grief. The challenge is to build these practices into our lives and lifestyle so that they become second nature and can be readily called upon whenever we are aware of traumatic stress, energy drain, depressed feelings, or loss of center. For more information, the website can be found in our show notes. The first exercise is breath work. Breath is the source of life, bringing fresh energy into the tissues and cells to nourish body, mind, and soul, the whole person. When we breathe out, accumulated stress and toxins are released. Breathing through a stressful time is an effective way to let go of the tension that accumulates in the body. A few deep breaths at a difficult moment can completely change the way we handle a situation. Breath work combined with images of light or nature can promote feelings of peace, calm, and focus. First try abdominal breathing. Sit comfortably with your feet flat on the floor and close your eyes. Deeply breathe and center yourself, letting go of all worries and thoughts. Place your hands on your abdomen, breathe in deeply through your nose, and imagine the air moving through your body into the center within your abdomen. Imagine that your abdomen fills with air as if it were a balloon. Hold your breath for a few moments and then exhale slowly through your mouth, contracting the muscles of your abdomen, letting go of all the tension in your body. Continue abdominal breathing for several minutes. If thoughts come into your mind, gently release them, returning to the image of the air moving in and out of your body. Or try breathing in nature. Nature is a great resource for healing and grounding. With feet on the ground, breathe in deeply, imagining that your feet are long roots running into the earth. Breathe in energy, breathe out stress, tension, and pain. Do this for several minutes.

Finger Holds For Big Emotions

Candee 10:00

The next practice is called finger holds to manage emotions. The following practice is a simple way to work with emotions by holding each finger. Emotions and feelings are like waves of energy moving through the body and mind. Through each finger runs a channel or meridian of energy connected with an organ system and related emotions. With strong or overwhelming feelings, energy can become blocked or repressed, resulting in pain or congestion in the body. Holding each finger while breathing deeply can bring emotional and physical release and healing. The finger holds are a very helpful tool to use in daily life in difficult or challenging situations when tears, anger, or anxiety arise. The fingers may be held to bring peace, focus, and calm so that the appropriate response or action may be taken. This practice may also be done for relaxation with music or used before going to sleep to release the problems of the day and bring deep peace to body and mind. This practice may be done on oneself or on another person. Here's how it goes. Hold each finger with the opposite hand for two to five minutes. You can work with either hand. Breathe in deeply. Recognize and acknowledge the strong or disturbing feelings or emotions you hold inside yourself. Breathe out slowly and let go. Imagine the feelings draining out of your finger into the earth. Breathe in a sense of harmony, strength, and healing, and bring it out slowly, releasing past feelings and problems. Often, as you hold each finger, you can feel a pulsing sensation as the energy and feelings move and become balanced. You can hold the fingers of someone who is angry or upset. The finger holds are very helpful for young children who are crying or having a tantrum, or can be used with people who are fearful, anxious, sick, or dying.

Simple Holds For Calm

Candee 12:54

And finally, a series of holds. This practice consists of several simple energy holds that may be done on oneself or on another person. For anxiety, emotional or physical pain, traumatic memories, strong emotions, such as anger, fear, insomnia, and for deep relaxation. Through the energy of our hands we have the power to bring profound peace, harmony, and healing to body, mind, and emotions. As the practice is used on oneself or on another, hold in mind and heart a deep sense of peace, light, and spaciousness. The holds can be done for several minutes each, accompanied by deep abdominal breathing to promote greater release. The touch is very light, and if someone fears touch because of pain or their history of abuse, the holds may be done off the body, working in the energy field. Always ask permission when you do any practice involving the touch of another person. The head hold. One hand lightly holds the head high on the forehead, the other hand holds the base of the skull. The energy of the hands connects with parts of the brain related to memories and emotions. Breathe as you hold. The crown hold. Thumbs of both hands together. Contact crown center at the top of the head. Fingertips softly touch area across the forehead. Along with deep breathing. This hold is used in different body work modalities to promote emotional release. The shoulder hold. Hands rest lightly on the shoulders, the place in the body related to anxiety, excess baggage, or the burdens of life. The heart hold. One hand rests across the sternum high on the chest. The other hand touches the upper back behind the heart. The heart area often holds emotional pains, wounds of the past, grief, and resentment. Breathe deeply and imagine the heart pain draining down to the earth. You can also do this hold several inches off the body, respectful of a person's boundaries. To finish the hold practice, lightly brush off the energy field with the hands. The tops of the feet may also be held to ground the person.

Closing Blessing And Where To Listen

Candee 16:13

Brokenness is exactly the place where God draws close. That concludes another episode. A new one drops every Friday morning. You can find us always on Spotify, Amazon Music, and Apple Music. Be gentle to yourself and others this week. Travel with God by your side. Vaya con Dios.