SOLACE: Soul + Grief
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. I hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises OR seek spiritual direction while grieving. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
- Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius
- Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/
- Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO
- California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)
- Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education
- 19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius
- Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
CONTACT ME: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com with questions to be answered in future episodes.
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
Spiritual Lifelines: God's Companionship
Today we explore how to walk with God during grief when prayer feels impossible and faith seems distant. Grief creates natural spiritual questions as we navigate the physical, emotional, and psychological shifts that come with significant loss.
• Picture God on your side rather than as the cause of suffering
• God's compassionate presence walks with us through our pain
• Trust God's nearness even when feelings suggest otherwise
• Call on good memories to help navigate present darkness
• Find at least one thing each day to be grateful for
• Pray your pain by expressing real feelings to God
• Try alternative prayer forms like walking, music, or open hands
• Look for God in unexpected ways like nature or acts of kindness
• Make time for solitude where invisible healing occurs
• Be patient with yourself as healing takes time
• Find support through others' stories of loss and resilience
• Remember God keeps vigil over you as a loving parent
You can reach me at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE
Art: https://www.etsy.com/shop/vasonaArts?ref=seller-platform-mcnav
and https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/candee-lucas
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F2SFH4Z6
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay
Welcome to Solace: Soul Grief. I'm glad you're here with me today. My name is Candee Lucas and I am a Jesuit-trained grief chaplain and spiritual director. When we started this ministry, we wanted to create a space for all those struggling with loss, whatever kind. The death of a loved one is an enormous physical, spiritual, emotional and psychological shift. I created this library for those struggling with a particular grief issue or those just wishing gentle accompaniment. You're always welcome in our circle of healing, love and support.
Candee:Today we return to a subject that I've taught about obliquely, from time to time and more directly, and that's the idea of walking with God on our grief journeys. The negative feelings we have during grief are natural, yet they bewilder us because we do not accept or expect them as part of the experience. We want to rid ourselves of unpleasant feelings as quickly as possible, but in fact, grief takes time. We must recognize our feelings of loss, learn to live with them as best we can. Faith questions naturally arise during these agonizing times. How can I walk with God when God seems to have forgotten all about me? How can I pray when I hurt so much? What do I do when the ways that I used to pray don't work for me anymore? We feel overwhelmed by such questions, but there are some things we can do and places to turn for help.
Candee:Picture God on your side. The way we picture God has much to do with the way we walk with God. During our time of loss, it is helpful to picture God being on our side rather than against us or responsible for our suffering. Harold Kushner tells us in "hen Bad Things Happen to Good People, that God does not send suffering to us. Rather, suffering and loss are a result of the human condition. Picturing God as one who's on our side is a strong biblical image. God will never abandon us or forget us. God has great compassion for us, yearning for our peace and our joy. Many writers see God as suffering with us, walking the road of our grief, having infinite concern for us. So when we pray during our time of grief, we can picture God sitting by our side, looking upon us with much love, or walking with us and listening to our stories of sorrow, trust in God's nearness and goodness.
Candee:When we are grieving a significant loss, our world can seem bleak and dark. We may feel that God does not care or doubt that God even exists. Grief is a time to trust that God is very close to us, even though our feelings may say otherwise. When we are depressed and all we can think about is our sadness, it helps to call on good memories. We remember people and events that have brought us happiness. We recall memories that assure us that God does love us very much, even though we may be mired in gloom in the present. Good memories also have a way of helping us to trust in the future, when other times of happiness will come our way again.
Candee:Because our inner vision is usually quite blurred when we are filled with painful emotions, we can easily miss the good things that are a part of each day in the present. At the end of each day, no matter how miserable it may have been, we can find at least one thing to be grateful for. We may want to write this down each evening and look at our gratitude list when we are feeling particularly discouraged. Pray your pain. If we feel sad and empty, these feelings will naturally affect our prayer. We cannot separate ourselves from our bodies or our emotions. When we pray, we need to accept the fact that we probably will not have a sense of God's presence for a while. God understands this and loves us in our humanness. God understands this and loves us in our humanness.
Candee:As we grieve our loss, it helps to deliberately pray our pain, to cry out to God, to express our anger. Writing a letter to God telling God how we feel can help us better experience being heard by God. We can also write a letter from God to us, noting what God would say to us in this time of loss and sorrow. We may also need to find other forms of prayer for a while. If we are restless, we can go for a walk or listen to music. If our mind is constantly filled with remembrances of the loss, we could quietly repeat a scripture verse or a formal prayer. If we are overwhelmed with sadness, we may find that we are not alone, that just sitting with empty hands held open is the only prayer that we can pray, and we do so. We say with our open hands that we trust God to fill our lives with strength enough for another day.
Candee:Look for God in unexpected ways. We tend to look for God in certain familiar ways. Consequently, we may think God is absent. Yet God is there in ways we may not have noticed. It may be the kindness of someone who writes us a letter or makes a phone call to see how we are. It could be the beauty of the stars on a night we cannot sleep. A friend told me that during her many sleepless nights she would hear the first bird song in the dawn. When this happened, it would lift her heart and bring her a deep sense of closeness to God. Another woman was in so much grief. She told me how she looked out her window one day and saw a spider spinning a web. The threads were wet with dew and sparkled in the sunlight. As she gazed on this intricate wonder, she saw her own life woven into God's heart. This insight filled her with peace for the first time in many months.
Candee:Make time for solitude. As difficult as it may be to take quiet time for solitude, we need to do so. We may feel terribly restless or lonely, or want to run from the pain or keep ourselves very busy, but solitude is essential and necessary for our growth. In our solitude we are like a seed buried in the darkness of the earth, all alone and waiting. It seems as though nothing is happening, but quiet growth is taking place. A day will come when a new green shoot will come forth from the earth. A day will come when we will discover new growth, a gradual return of peace and happiness.
Candee:Be gentle and be patient. We are in a hurry to heal, but we must be patient with ourselves. We must look for courage, resiliency and hope in the lives of others, noticing how they may have made it through their difficult journeys. If one of these persons lives nearby, we can ask that person to tell us his or her story of loss and growth. Finding a local support group can also ease our pain. We can hear in the lives of others some of our own experiences of grief. This too will encourage us to be patient.
Candee:Sometimes we expect so much of ourselves until we realize that that the road we walk is a long one for other people as well. When the people of the Exodus were wandering in the wilderness, they often complained that God was far from them. Yet we know that God was close to them, as close to them as their next breath, and God constantly reassured them of his nearness. The same is true for us. Through it all, god is keeping vigil over us, just as God did with the Exodus community in the wilderness. It is the kind of vigil that a parent keeps with an ailing child, or the night watch one keeps while waiting for a loved one to return home. We need to lean on God, believing in his compassionate presence with us, and God will indeed stay with us on our road to restored peace and joy.
Candee:Today's thoughts were reflected in an essay by Joyce Rupp, osm, an award-winning author of such books as "Fresh Bread, the Circle of Life and Praying Our Goodbyes circle of life and praying our goodbyes.
Candee:That concludes another episode. A new one drops every Friday morning. You can find us on Amazon, Apple Podcasts and Spotify. This is Candee Lucas, your host. If you have questions about grieving or spiritual direction while grieving, my contact information is in the show notes. Be gentle with yourselves this week and to others. Travel with God always at your side. Vaya con Dios.
