SOLACE: Soul + Grief
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. I hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises OR seek spiritual direction while grieving. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
- Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius
- Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/
- Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO
- California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)
- Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education
- 19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius
- Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
CONTACT ME: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com with questions to be answered in future episodes.
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
Coloring Book of Grief
Grief rarely follows the patterns we imagine it will, often surprising us with unexpected moments of both pain and comfort that defy our expectations. Our personal experiences with grief become like unique coloring books that reflect our individual journeys rather than conforming to society's expectations.
• Childhood memories of a beloved sister who colored outside the lines
• How grief rarely stays within the boundaries we expect
• The unexpected comfort found in sensory memories after loved ones pass
• Finding peace in our own personal "grief books" with all their unique patterns
• Discovering that what we miss most about our loved ones often surprises us
Listen every Friday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music for spiritual direction, art, and workshops shared through Santa Clara University, https://events.scu.edu/markey-center/event/344943-spiritual-accompaniment
You can reach us at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE
Art: https://www.etsy.com/shop/vasonaArts?ref=seller-platform-mcnav
and https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/candee-lucas
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F2SFH4Z6
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay
Welcome to Solace: Soul + Grief. I'm glad you're here. My name is Candee Lucas. I'm a grief chaplain and a spiritual director. When we founded this ministry nearly five years ago, we wanted to be available for people who have suffered any kind of loss, because the grief journey is so complex, because we have so many things in life that we need to process through loss, that I wanted to be available in this format for people to review and revisit as time goes by. We're all on this grief journey together and you're always welcome in this circle of healing, love and support. This episode is dedicated to my younger sister, Chris. She knows why.
Candee:When I was a child, I was growing up with two sisters. A nd getting a new coloring book was one of the greatest adventures I can remember from that time. We all felt that way and we treasured and coveted our own coloring books, wanting to make them perfect. I particularly started on page one and wanted to work through page one, page two, page three, and I would carefully color inside the lines, and in those early days it was very important that the trees were green, the sky was blue, the sun was yellow. But my youngest sister, who's seven years younger than me. So say, I'm 11, doing my coloring books? Yes, I'm sure I did them as late as 11. And my four-year-old sister gets a hold of my coloring book, despite my, I'm sure, putting it in a very safe place. And what does she do? Not only does she color outside the lines, she makes the sky green and the trees red and the bushes yellow. And I come upon this coloring book with her very free and open interpretations, and my heart is broken. Because in my mind, my coloring book has been ruined. Somebody has colored outside the lines, oh my goodness. And so, rather than seek to remedy this in another way, in any other way coloring over it, tearing out that page, turning her drawing into something different, I oftentimes would just throw away the book. Now I realize, because I did not grow up to be a perfectionist, that it had nothing to do with that. It had to do with the fact that I had so treasured this object I wanted to make it mine, I wanted to make it very personal as to me and I wanted it to be my own personal treasure, the way I imagined it. Now I'm sure my sister just saw colors and went --Yay, I can do this, I can make the sky green, etc.-- But her brain was seven years younger than my brain, so you know we didn't see things the same way.
Candee:I tell this story because I think it's a perfect example of how we see grief. Before we have experienced the first important loss of a loved one, maybe we imagine what grief will be like. Maybe we even imagine the death of a loved one, an important loved one, a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, a friend, and we kind of in our minds, rehearse it. And we kind of in our minds rehearse it. Stephen King often says something to the effect of -- we like to practice with horror stories, those things that are so unimaginable in life, so that they won't be so traumatic to us--. Words to that effect. I think there's something to that, definitely. But back to the coloring books. My grief coloring book didn't look at all like I thought it would.
Candee:I came to grieve things I didn't even know or didn't anticipate I'd even have in my life. I understood after important people died that there were things I missed of them, that I never even knew: the smell of my grandfather. T hat I never even knew the smell of my grandfather who smoked incessantly In life. I couldn't stand that smell. But after he died and I got a whiff of his clothes or his chair or something in the house, that smell, that cigarette smell, brought me so much comfort and I thought how strange is that? Likewise, my grandmother used to fry chicken every Sunday and she made this ridiculous salad and I thought how strange is that? Made of --I'm not making this up-- iceberg lettuce, bananas, marshmallows and Miracle Whip. That's a real recipe from Iowa. I ate that stuff up as a child like it was manna from heaven. I loved it. I never got to like her fried chicken that much, but I loved that salad and today, even describing it here, it kind of makes me a little nauseous to even think about that combination, but I miss her salad.
Candee:Speaking of smells, I miss the smell of my mother the most. After she died I kept a bottle of her perfume (the one she wore most often that I didn't particularly like) but it reminded me so much of her that I kept that bottle for a long, long time. Okay, I admit it, I still have it and she's been dead almost 30 years. B ut it was more a time from my childhood. Once I got sick in school and I was only in kindergarten, so I was still very small and our school was only a block away. So she came to school to take me home and she wrapped me in a yellow wool blanket and carried me all the way home. I don't know what happened to that blanket If I still had it I'd be sleeping with it all the time. But I did manage to purchase a yellow wool blanket when I grew up, and it has the same smell almost. It doesn't have the smell of her skin, which I can still bring to mind if I concentrate, and what could be more reassuring than the smell of your mother?
Candee:So my grief coloring book doesn't look at all like I thought it would. Sometimes the skies are green and sometimes the skies are very gray, and sometimes the flowers growing in the garden are fantastical colors, and so I take this lesson from my little sister. Sometimes we color outside the lines, sometimes our grief is outside the lines. It's where we find it and where we go with the memories. It's our coloring book, it's our grief book. It's so very much our own, our own personal treasure, and we thank God for that and for all the lives that colored therein. That concludes another episode. A new one drops every Friday. You can find us on Spotify, Amazon and Apple Music. Remember, be gentle to yourselves. Travel with God always at your side. Vaya con Dios.
