SOLACE: Soul + Grief
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. I hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises OR seek spiritual direction while grieving. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
- Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius
- Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/
- Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO
- California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)
- Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education
- 19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius
- Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
CONTACT ME: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com with questions to be answered in future episodes.
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
Notes from "Grieving with the Help of Your Catholic Faith" - 2
Today explore the difficult questions that arise during grief and how our Catholic faith offers pathways for healing. We examine how questions of "why" and "what if" can become poignant prayers and how sharing our stories helps us accept the reality of loss.
• Questions beginning with "why" are often not really questions but statements of protest or pain
• The sacrament of reconciliation helps those struggling with unresolved "what-if" questions and feelings of guilt
• Telling your story repeatedly is healing
• Support groups provide safe places to share stories, express concerns, and feel a sense of belonging
• One-on-one counseling is available through Catholic Charities, hospital chaplains, and hospice services
• There is no "right" timeline for seeking support - this is a personal decision
This material comes from the book "Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith" by Lorene Hanley Duquin. (Available on Amazon)
Listen every Friday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music for spiritual direction, art, and workshops shared through Santa Clara University, https://events.scu.edu/markey-center/event/344943-spiritual-accompaniment
You can reach us at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE
Art: https://www.etsy.com/shop/vasonaArts?ref=seller-platform-mcnav
and https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/candee-lucas
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F2SFH4Z6
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay
I. I welcome you to Solace Soul Plus Grief. My name's Candy Lucas and I'm a grief chaplain. I accompany those who are grieving any kind of loss and I ask that you let me accompany you today. You're always welcome in this circle of healing, love and support. Remember, we are all on this journey together. Today we continue with the material from the book by Lorraine Duquin Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith. More information in the show notes.
Speaker 1:Today we consider questions about what happened. This always begins with why. Why did they die? Why did it happen this way? Why now Searching for answers to why is our attempt to make sense out of something we don't want to believe and can't comprehend? Sometimes, why? Questions have answers, but some do not. Often the question why is not really a question but a statement of protest, helplessness or pain. The answers other people offer to your why? Questions are usually unsatisfying. Albert Einstein said the important thing is not to stop questioning. Said the important thing is not to stop questioning. Some people find why questions become their most poignant prayer. Like Job, they cry out let the Almighty answer me. Like Job, they discover that even if God doesn't answer the question why God never abandons us in our grief. See verse 31.
Speaker 1:Next are the what-ifs. When someone dies, we begin to speculate what if this had happened? What if this hadn't happened? What if I had done this? What if this hadn't happened? What if I had done this? What if I hadn't done that? Is there something else I should have done or could have done? Some people are tortured by what-if questions. It is important to examine feelings of guilt and talk about them. Most people come to see what they agonized about in the end didn't make any difference in what happened. They did what they thought was right at the time. Sometimes we look for others to blame the doctor, the paramedics, the nurses, the hospital, an industry that polluted the environment, a drunken driver or a person who forgot to lock a gate or repair something that was broken.
Speaker 1:The sacrament of reconciliation can be tremendous help to people struggling with unresolved what-if questions. Whether you are blaming yourself or someone else for the death of a loved one, a priest can help you sort through some of this emotional turmoil that you feel. A priest can help you forgive yourself and other people. The sacrament of reconciliation at any time during the grieving process can oftentimes be healing in and of itself. Why do you feel the need to keep telling everyone what happened. Talking about the final illness, the death, the wake and the funeral is part of the healing process. Each time we tell the story, we help ourselves accept the reality of the person's death. It's so important that one priest tells grieving people to find ten friends. Each day. Tell the story to a different person. Ideally every ten days someone will be willing to hear the story again. Telling the story over and over and over again until you feel you have been heard fully and completely takes the power away from the story itself and gives it back to you. Another good place to tell your story is in a bereavement support group. Support groups offer safe places to share stories, express concerns, work through emotions, learn about the grieving process and feel a sense of belonging.
Speaker 1:Many parishes offer bereavement support groups. Some support groups focus on specific types of grief, such as support for grieving parents or widows or widowers or people grieving a violent death or suicide. Other groups are general and anyone can attend. Even if your parish does not have a grief support group, there is probably more than one available in your diocese and I urge you to seek that out. The structure of these groups vary. Some groups use a book such as this one. Some have discussion topics for the evening, some have guest speakers. Others may have very little structure and simply provide a safe place.
Speaker 1:There is no time frame on when you should seek a support group. Some people join a group in the first weeks after the funeral and others wait for six to nine months. This is a very personal decision and you should discern on your own when it is the right time for you. Some people find support groups helpful. Others feel uncomfortable in a group setting. Neither approach is right or wrong. Many people prefer one-on-one support and there are many people available, trained in this area, to listen and help you through the process. Everything you say is confidential and you're most likely to benefit from a one-on-one counseling. If you have no one else to talk to, if you are concerned that your feelings are not normal, if you are unable to function, if you have thoughts or feelings that you cannot share with anyone else or do not feel comfortable sharing with anyone else, if you feel as if your life is completely out of control or if you feel as if you can't go on. To find a qualified bereavement counselor, you can contact Catholic Charities or a Catholic chaplain at a local hospital. In most communities, hospices also offer bereavement services and counseling, even if you haven't used the hospice service directly.
Speaker 1:And so we pray God of strength, who calls forth eagles to bend wings in adoration and who sends forth eagles to wing wide in praise. I am in need of your strength. I am weary, tired, unable to soar in my sky of life. Please carry me on your loving wings. Please renew my strength, give me the energy for the going and create in me openness to future. Flying Great God of eagles' hearts, I want to trust that you will bear me up, that you will support me. I look to you to renew my strength just as surely as the eagle's wings are wide in the sky. Amen. That concludes this week's episode. You can find us on Apple, spotify or Amazon. Feel free to send any questions you might have about grieving to my email in the show notes. Remember I'm always available for spiritual direction by Zoom to those who are grieving. Please reach out to me if you have this need. Be safe. Travel with God always at your side. Vaya con Dios.
