SOLACE: Soul + Grief
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. I hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises OR seek spiritual direction while grieving. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
- Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius
- Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/
- Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO
- California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)
- Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education
- 19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius
- Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
CONTACT ME: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com with questions to be answered in future episodes.
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
Notes from "Grieving with the Help of Your Catholic Faith" - 1
Grief is the process by which healing takes place after loss, requiring time and space to work through the emotional wounds. The work of grieving involves accepting the reality of loss, experiencing the pain, recreating the person in memory, adjusting to life without them, and finding new meaning.
• The word "bereavement" means "to be torn apart"
• Emotional wounds from loss take longer to heal than physical wounds
• Grief helps you grow emotionally and spiritually despite the pain
• The full impact of loss typically hits between 3-9 months after death
• Grieving is your internal experience while mourning is the outward expression
• Jesus wept over Lazarus, giving us permission to express our grief
• Avoiding grief only makes the process longer and more difficult
• Pouring your heart out to God is one of the most powerful forms of prayer
This material comes from the book "Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith" by Lorene Hanley Duquin. (Available on Amazon)
Listen every Friday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music for spiritual direction, art, and workshops shared through Santa Clara University, https://events.scu.edu/markey-center/event/344943-spiritual-accompaniment
You can reach us at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE
Art: https://www.etsy.com/shop/vasonaArts?ref=seller-platform-mcnav
and https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/candee-lucas
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F2SFH4Z6
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay
I welcome you to Solace: Soul + Grief. My name's Candee Lucas and I'm a grief chaplain. I accompany those who are grieving any kind of loss and I ask that you let me accompany you today. You're always welcome in this circle of healing, love and support. Remember, we are all on this journey together. This material comes from a book called Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith by Lorene Hanley Duquin. I recently used this book in my own grief group and found many of the details, exercises and discussions helpful and I want to share them here, so we'll just dive in. One of the quotes she starts with is --Every death is a door opening on creation's mystery--, by Megary Anderson Anderson. So, of course, what interested me most about this material is how it confirms the closeness of God in our grief journeys.
Candee:The word bereavement means to be torn apart. When someone you love dies, part of your life is torn away. What's left is a deep emotional wound. Grief is the process by which healing takes place. Think about what happens when someone undergoes surgery. It can take months for the incision to heal and for the muscle to regenerate. It can take a year or longer for a person's energy level to return to normal. Even after a year, the scar tissue may be tender to the touch. The emotional wound that comes with losing a loved one takes longer than a physical wound to heal.
Candee:Grief is the emotional agony you go through as you find ways to fill the void this person left. Grief moves you to a place where memories of your loved one are no longer painful. Grief is the process by which you learn to live again. Doing the hard work of grief involves Accepting the reality of the loss, experiencing the pain of the loss, recreating the person in your memory, adjusting to life without the presence of that person and finding new meaning in life. Working through the grieving process does not mean that you'll stop loving or missing the person who died. It doesn't mean that you try to forget that person. What it does mean is that you find ways to live peacefully in the present moment, look forward to the future with hope. It may be hard to believe at this difficult point. Grief can help you grow emotionally and spiritually.
Candee:C. S. Lewis once said --In grief nothing stays put. One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles or dare I hope I am on a spiral?-- How you grieve depends on your personality, your family background, how you coped with previous losses, your relationship with the person who died and your relationship with God.
Candee:Today, it's not uncommon for people to expect you to bounce back to normal within a week or so after the funeral. What most people don't realize is that after the funeral, the hard work of grieving is just beginning. Between three and nine months after the death, , the full impact of the loss begins to hit you. You may find that a whole year goes by in which you use all your energy just to keep up the pretense of functioning. Gradually, you come to the realization that things will never go back to the way they were before your loved one dies, but you will survive.
Candee:Psalm 13 notes --how long shall I harbor sorrow in my soul, grief in my heart, day after day. Look, answer me, O Lord, my God.-- We, as Christians, have always turned to God in times of grief, trouble, darkness, and so it is at this time of grieving and loss that God is most near to us, even if we are not aware of his presence. What is the difference between grieving and mourning? Grieving is the intense pain you feel inside. It is your internal experience of loss.
Candee:Mourning is the public expression of your grief. It is how you express your sorrow to other people when someone you love dies, we must express our grief if we are to heal. In other words, we must take the time to mourn. When Jesus said in Matthew --Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.-- He encouraged us to express our feelings of loss in public when he wept over the death of his friend Lazarus. He gave us all permission to cry.
Candee:Noted in John 11. --The Lord also promised that our mourning will end. I will turn their mourning into joy. I will console and gladden them after their sorrows--, Jeremiah 31. Is there any other way? Through grief, you can try to avoid, deny or postpone the pain, but it will only make the process longer and more difficult.
Candee:Experts agree that when people refuse to grieve the death of a loved one, grief stays bottled up inside and will resurface eventually. Working through your grief can be painful, but it is necessary for your emotional and physical well-being. Pouring out your heart to God is one of the best kinds of prayer because it comes straight from the depths of yourself. Your prayer at this point may be as simple --Lord. Help me-- or you might want to use a lament in Psalm 102. --Hear my prayer, o Lord. Let my cry come to Thee. Do not hide thy face from me in the day of my distress. Incline thy ear to me. Answer me speedily in the day when I call.--
Candee:More information on how to get a copy of this book in the show notes. That concludes this week's episode. You can find us on Apple, Spotify or Amazon. Feel free to send any questions you might have about grieving to my email in the show notes. Remember I'm always available for spiritual direction by Zoom to those who are grieving. Please reach out to me if you have this need. Be safe Travel with God always at your side. Vaya con Dios.
