SOLACE: Soul + Grief
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. I hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises OR seek spiritual direction while grieving. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
- Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius
- Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/
- Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO
- California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)
- Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education
- 19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius
- Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
CONTACT ME: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com with questions to be answered in future episodes.
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
Stepping from Heartache into Hope
This episode dives into the essential qualities that can guide individuals through their grieving journey, especially during holidays that amplify feelings of loss. We discuss nine practical tips for coping with grief throughout the year, encouraging listeners to embrace their emotions and seek support.
• Trusting grief as a vital part of healing
• Setting healthy boundaries and asserting limits
• Focusing on controllable aspects of life amidst loss
• Planning ahead to avoid needless anxiety
• Allowing oneself to feel a range of emotions
• Honoring the memory of loved ones in meaningful ways
• Creating new traditions that fit the current phase of life
• Acts of kindness as a touching way to cope
• Seeking help and building a support network
Please reach out with any questions or thoughts about grief support! I’m always here to listen.
As you listen, consider sending me your thoughts and questions on grief, both spiritual and practical, so we can walk this path together.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE FREE OF CHARGE
You can reach us at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com to arrange personal spiritual direction and for questions and concerns.
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay
I welcome you to Solace: Soul + Grief. My name's Candee Lucas and I'm a grief chaplain. I accompany those who are grieving any kind of loss and I ask that you let me accompany you today. You're always welcome in this circle of healing, love and support. Remember, we are all on this journey together. I want to talk to you today about nine important qualities of grieving and what I have come to call grief helps. What follows are a set of tips that were put together by a group of grief professionals on how to deal with grief during the holidays. However, I have found that this short list is useful 365 days of the year, because we don't only grieve at the holidays. Yes, it can be a special time that raises special issues, but most of the grief responses we have during the holidays are responses that we have every other day of the year as we continue on our grief journey.
Candee:Number one trust that grief is part of healing. Time doesn't heal the pain associated with loss. It's what you do with the time that matters. Time doesn't heal the pain associated with loss. It's what you do with the time that matters. Grief is the process by which you heal. Experiencing the pain rather than constantly trying to escape it can actually help you feel better in the long term. So, while it might be tempting to pretend that holidays don't exist, no-transcript that avoidance only prolongs the anguish. Eventually the holidays will get easier, but only if you allow yourself to experience the grief of going through them without your loved one.
Candee:Number two set healthy boundaries. You certainly don't have to force yourself to face every celebratory tradition. However, be willing to say no. Other people may try to convince you to participate, but you certainly don't have to, and you don't have to try and please everyone. Number three focus on what you can control. There are a lot of things that you can't control. You may be subjected to music in the waiting room of your doctor's office or overhear your co-workers constantly talking about their plans. While you can't prevent those things from happening, there are some things you can control. Think about what you can do to lessen the heartache. When you can, it's okay to limit your participation in things. Pick a few things that you can do to assert control over your own life, and keep in mind that life goes on for other people and it's okay that they're happy.
Candee:Number four plan ahead. Often, the anticipation over how hard something is going to be is worse than the actual event. So, for example, while a dinner with friends may only last two hours, you can easily spend three weeks dreading it. Create a simple plan for how you'll get through these times to avoid extending your anguish. Often it's helpful to create an escape plan drive yourself to functions or ride with a trusted friend who will take you home whenever you want. Just knowing you can easily leave at any time will help you enjoy the activity much more than you would if you feel stuck.
Candee:Number five allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. Daily life can bring about a wider range of emotions. You may feel joy, guilt and sadness, all within a few minutes. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judging yourself or thinking you should be happy or you shouldn't be laughing. Number six find a way to honor your own memories. Create a special way to memorialize the person you've lost. Whether you decide to light a candle every night or eat your loved one's favorite food, honoring your loved one can serve as a tangible reminder that, although your loved one is gone, the love never dies.
Candee:Number seven create new traditions. Don't be afraid to create new traditions. It's okay to get creative and do something a little out of the ordinary and do something a little out of the ordinary. You can also alter old traditions and make them fit better with the new phase in your life. Number eight do something kind for others. Even when you're in the midst of grief, you still have something to offer to the world. Perform a few acts of kindness. It can be really good for the grieving spirit. Donate to families in need, serve meals at a soup kitchen or volunteer to help people at nursing homes if you're up for it. And number nine don't be afraid to ask for help when you're struggling. Reminding loved ones that you're having a rough time may be enough, but you may also want to reach out for more support. Look for support groups or contact a professional counselor to help you deal with your grief in a healthy manner.
Candee:That concludes this week's episode. You can find us on Apple, Spotify or Amazon. Please feel free to send any questions you might have about grief, support, about grieving, to my email. In the show notes. I'll try to answer any questions you have in the future. Remember I'm always available for spiritual direction by Zoom to those who are grieving. Please reach out to me if you have this need. Be safe. Travel with God, always at your side. Vaya con Dios.
