SOLACE: Soul + Grief
YOUR PERSONAL, IN-HOUSE CHAPLAIN.
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. I hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side. I am a Jesuit-trained-and-inspired spiritual companion to the dying and their families, survivors, friends and caretakers.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius/Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO/California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)/Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education/19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius/Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
CONTACT ME: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com with questions to be answered in future episodes.
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
In the Gentle Embrace of Letting Go - WITH TERRY JELLEY
Today I welcome back my dear friend Terry Jelley to share our heartfelt experiences of accompanying those during their final moments. Stories from hospital rooms, capture the sacredness of death and the peace that can accompany it, even when loved ones aren't physically present.
Amidst the evident pain and sorrow, these narratives highlight the beauty of connection during life's final chapter. Let this episode be a gentle guide to embracing love and healing as you navigate your grief journey.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE FREE OF CHARGE
You can reach us at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com to arrange personal spiritual direction.
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay.
We welcome you to Solace: Soul + Grief. I'm glad you're here. I'm Candee Lucas, a Jesuit-trained Catholic chaplain and spiritual director. I've been involved with a bereavement ministry since 2009. We know that loss can make profound changes in people's lives. We understand how difficult it is to travel this path of grief and how important and monumental the loss of a loved one can be. So we created this podcast to help you walk with God as you grieve your losses, understand what's happening in your heart and soul as you grieve, to be available in the best way we can to accompany you on this journey. You're always welcome in this circle of healing, love and support. Today, we welcome back my dear friend, Terry Jelley, in a discussion we had about being with people who are dying-- actively dying at the moment of their death, and she offers some insights into the presence of God at that moment and surrounding that moment of death.
Terry:I've seen it in the hospital, where people are very open to that. . And they called the daughter and she had a difficult time getting there. She had to drive a long way and her mother passed away right before she got there and she walked into the room and she threw herself on the ground and she's like I didn't make it. I didn't make it in time. Oh my God, how could this have happened?
Terry:And myself and the nurses, we knelt down, we held her and we said no, you're here, your mother is. You know her. She might have physically died, but her spirit is still present. Her spirit is in this room. She knows you're here.
Terry:Just go, and you know, hold her, because her mother's body was still in the room.
Terry:Go, go, hold her, tell her how much you love her, tell her what you want to say to her. And we lifted her up and she just completely, we left her alone in the room and it just was kind of a transformation for her because she never, she couldn't realize or she didn't, she just she was just beating herself up over how she didn't get there in time and she needed to focus, get out of herself and focus outward and see that her mother was still there and focus on her mother
Candee:So you've had that experience in the hospital too, where someone has died, yet whether or not the family's there, if you're the only one there sometimes as chaplains were the only ones there in the room when the person passes and you can always sense a presence of some type absolutely, and I remember you know it's just so strange because you know you always think it's going to be this horrible thing, but I've been with people that has just been so peaceful and I just really could feel a connection.
Terry:There was a kind of man who had no family, was like a homeless man. He'd been in the hospital for a week or something and we were doing rounds, doing rounds, and I could tell as soon as I went into ICU there was all this commotion and they said, oh, this man, I don't know if he's going to make it, I think he's dying. And so the person that I was with said, okay, well, let's just move on to the next room. And I said, no, no, no, we are not leaving this man when he is actively dying.
Terry:I dragged her in, we went into the room and we stayed with him for, you know, like a half an hour and it was just so beautiful, it was peaceful, we were with him, we talked to him and you, I could feel a connection, I could feel his presence and I'm, you know, I'm hoping that he feels mine. But we don't know what the person that's dying, we don't, you know, they might be in a coma? They might, but you don't know what they're sensing, where they are.
Candee:That's one of the reasons I think it's so important when I was still chaplain in the hospital is to make it a sacred space, as you can, you know, if you're, if you know you're the only one that's going to be there, you can bring in an electric candle, no flaming candles. Obviously you can bring in an electric candle, not no flaming candles. Obviously you can bring in, you know, music and soft music and or, or read out loud or any other things that would make it yeah yeah, and make it kind of a sacred space.
Terry:The chaplains' touch even yes, to hold their hand yes it's so important to let them know, and the thing that we wanted to do for this man, the most important thing, is to let him know he was not alone, because I think that's the worst thing for somebody to die alone that he was not alone Even though we were total strangers to him. We were fellow human beings, we were fellow spirits that cared about him, witnessing and wanted to be with him.
Candee:Witnessing that-- definition of witness we talked about the other day, "with-ness Believing the original word was with-ness. Yes, that process of being with someone and just being able to, that process of being with someone and just being able to, it's not even an ushering, it's just so much as being reassuring. That's one of the things I like to do is to tell people this might feel weird to you, but you've never done it before. But, whatever you're feeling, it's perfectly normal. It's perfectly natural and it's just this transition and I'm here and God's here. And, depending on what they know and what they believe, do not try to force God on them if they're some other religion or religion. Try to just be available in a loving atmosphere and an open atmosphere and a healing atmosphere. I believe, anyway, I think our Catholic teaching has taught you know, the healing begins at the moment of death. This kind of work for the people that are surviving.
Terry:So, yeah, especially just to be with somebody in transition and just to me. It's just to let them know that they are not alone, that they are loved, that they're-- you know somebody is there that cares about them.
Terry:That concludes another episode. A new one drops every Friday. Please join us on Spotify, Amazon Music or Apple. Thank you for joining us. Spiritual direction is always available. See my contact email in the show notes is always available. See my contact email in the show notes. This is Candee Lucas, your host, chaplain and spiritual director. Go with God. Namaste, Vaya con Dios.
