SOLACE: Soul + Grief
This podcast is sponsored by SOULPLUSGRACE serving the San José area, offering grief support and grief journeying with spirituality. We hope to help you travel through grief with God at your side. Candee Lucas, your host, is a Jesuit-trained-and-inspired spiritual companion to the dying and their families, friends and caretakers.
"I am a trained Spiritual Director for those who seek to complete the 19th Annotation of St. Igantius’ spiritual exercises. I have also worked as a hospital/cemetery chaplain and grief doula. I believe all paths lead to God and that all traditions are due respect and honour. I take my sacred inspiration from all of my patients and companions–past, present and future; the Dalai Lama, James Tissot, St. John of the Cross, the Buddha, Saint Teresa of Ávila, and, of course, Íñigo who became known as St. Ignatius. I utilize art, poetry, music, aromatherapy, yoga, lectio divina, prayer and meditation in my self-work and work with others. I believe in creating a sacred space for listening; even in the most incongruous of surroundings."
BACKGROUND
Jesuit Retreat Center, Los Altos, CA -- Pierre Favre Program, 3 year training to give the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius/Centro de Espiritualidad de Loyola, Spain -- The Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola -- 30 Day Silent Retreat/Center for Loss & Life Transition – Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training (30 hrs) Ft. Collins, CO/California State University Institute for Palliative Care--Palliative Care Chaplaincy Specialty Cert. (90 hrs)/Sequoia Hospital, Redwood City, CA -- Clinical Pastoral Education/19th Annotation with Fumiaki Tosu, San Jose, CA, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius/Santa Clara University, Santa Clara, CA M.A. – Pastoral Ministries
SOLACE: Soul + Grief
Nurturing the Soul on a Path of Grief - GUIDED MEDITATION
CAUTION: PLEASE, DO NOT DRIVE WHILE LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE.
On our path through grief, we travel in a tranquil meadow, where simple acts like weaving baskets and storytelling become vessels of wisdom and comfort. Discover how reflections on faith and sacrifice provide profound solace, offering a comforting space to process and embrace your grief.
Be sure to subscribe to this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or Spotify.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE FREE OF CHARGE
You can reach us at: candeelucas@soulplusgrace.com to arrange personal spiritual direction.
Music and sound effects today by: via Pixabay.
We welcome you to Solace Soul + Grief. I'm glad you're here. I'm Candy Lucas, a Jesuit trained Catholic chaplain and spiritual director, and I've been involved with a bereavement ministry since 2009. We know that loss can make profound changes in people's lives. We understand how difficult it is to travel this path of grief and how important and monumental the loss of a loved one can be. So we created this podcast to help you walk with God as you grieve your losses, understand what's happening in your heart and soul as you grieve, to be available in the best way we can to accompany you on this journey. You're always welcome in this circle of healing, love and support. Please do not drive while listening to today's podcast.
Candee:So, as we all know, one of the most powerful forms of Ignatian prayer is imaginative, and I'm going to ask you to come along with me in your imaginations as we travel together to Manresa, Spain, in the hills above Barcelona, sometime in the middle of the 1500s. So relax, sit back, be as comfortable as you can in your chair. You can in your chair. It helps to have your feet flat on the floor and your arms in a comfortable position. I also think it helps to roll your shoulders back individually. So your heart is open and your lungs can take in a lot of air, as we take a couple of breaths in deeply and blow out all the air on the exhale and then let your lungs just automatically refill themselves. So take a couple of deep breaths here, leave this day behind, close your eyes and let's go together on a journey to Manresa.
Candee:Let's imagine first the weather as we notice it on your skin. It's a pleasant day, neither too warm nor too cool, but there's a slight breeze and it's rustling your hair. So it's noticeable enough. And now, with our eyes closed or slightly closed, we begin to hear outdoor sounds, leaves rustling in the trees, a slight burbling of water from the river down the way, and gradually we notice our feet upon a path. We're standing there on a path and you notice the path is very narrow through the hillside, not really much more than bent grass where footsteps have been over and over. You look and cannot see where the path begins or ends, but you are in the middle of it. The grass is very long here and the hill is not too steep, so you can't notice what's ahead or what's really behind you. And as you become familiar with the day and the hour and the path. It's slightly before the sun is overhead and as you haven't really taken a step forward, you notice bird sounds far away and you look up into the sky to a large, expansive blue and notice it's a cloudless day. And as you look around the hillside you see more details. There's a tree line below, which must follow the river, and occasional trees up above at the top of the hill. But where you are standing there is just grass and a grassy path.
Candee:So you decide to walk a few steps and see what might be at the crest of the hill. But you're in no hurry, you have the day to yourself, no one is expecting you anywhere and you relish an exploration of this hillside. Now you notice the fragrance of the grass as you walk in the path and it feels wonderful under your feet, soft, comforting, yet unyielding. And after some steps you notice the wind. You notice the birds, you notice the sound of water dropping away a little as you rise on the hill. You notice the sun on your neck and the warmth of the day, but are perfectly comfortable, and the rise of the hill is so gentle that walking is easy. One step after another as you gently climb.
Candee:You are enjoying the day and the walk and you happen to look ahead to the top of the hill and from your vantage point it seems like something will be in your path in a few. But you can't quite identify what it is. It might be a rock, or a bush, or a stunted tree, and you look at it curiously as you draw closer, trying to ascertain what it might be. But as you get closer and closer, that object comes into clear view. It appears to be some sort of figure, though you can't really tell yet whether it's an animal or a person or two together. But nothing in the image is in the least bit frightening. In fact, if you notice, your heartbeat has quickened in anticipation and joy without knowing the reason, and so you continue to walk toward it.
Candee:But now with some expectant curiosity, and as you draw closer, you can see the figure of a man. And the reason the figure had not been quite discernible is because there's also a small fawn sitting next to him. The man is kneeling almost prostrate on the ground. The fawn notices you before he does and looks at you curiously. He has the most beautiful liquid brown eyes and it's as if he's staring into your heart and your heart melts just a little at his beautiful face. The man is still not moved. The man has still not moved, does not even seem to be aware of your presence. And so you clear your throat slightly and say to him-- Good morning sir. The man does not reply, so you say a little louder-- Good morning sir. Or maybe you say --Buenas dias, senor.-- The man does begin to move more deliberately, he begins to raise his upper body, but he still gazes off into the distance and does not meet your eye because it seems it may disturb him. You do not speak again.
Candee:Several moments pass and the man sits back on the grass cross-legged and takes the fawn into his lap. Now you can clearly see his face and you notice the hair of his head and beard seem to have grown into one and there are leaves and twigs and pieces of grass intertwined in both the hair and the beard His clothing, if you could call it that, is not much more than a soiled tunic or animal skin. But it is his eyes that you gaze into, because they are very much like the fawn's eyes dark and brown and liquid and the most kind eyes you ever remember seeing. No one says anything for a few minutes and then you speak --May I sit down? --And he extends one hand slightly so you sit in the long grass near him. Finally he speaks to you.
Candee:Good travels, my friend.-- His voice is as warm as his eyes and you are instantly comfortable with him. And you notice the sun is liquid and his eyes are liquid and the voice is liquid. And you answer him--- I'm not really traveling, I'm not really looking for anything, I came just to spend the day with God and this seemed like a good meadow to do it in--. And it is a long while before he answers you. And then he says yes, and he stares down the hill as if he's looking for someone, waiting for someone possibly. The fawn gets up from his lap, sits nearby, falling asleep almost instantly and, because you are comfortable with the silence, you say to him am --I disturbing your prayer? And he says no, nothing disturbs my prayer, but I am waiting for someone and I thought for a moment you were she. You say I'm sorry, I'll be on my way. You say I'm sorry, I'll be on my way. And then he looks you fully in the face and says oh, you should stay, she'll want to meet you. I expect her here very soon. So the two of you sit together in silence, in the wind, in the scent of the grass, in the sound of the river below and the birds and the leaves, and the sun pouring down over the two of you and the sun pouring down over the two of you. This silence is in no way uneasy. Rather, you feel complete comfort with him and you notice, your heart is filling with joy and you wonder why.
Candee:Soon, you are aware of a figure coming up the path that you had just taken. It looks to be a woman, wrapped in a gray shawl that flaps in the wind, and from time to time the wind reveals a face. As she gets closer, her features begin to sharpen. You can see large gray eyes, kind and warm. You can see dark hair streaked with silver that falls beneath her shawl, and you can see she's carrying a bundle under her arms. You notice that her feet are bare and you wonder if she's finding the path difficult without sandals. But she seems to charge ahead like she has a mission, a purpose, an appointment. As she draws closer, her face becomes clear. It looks both strong and beautiful, old and young, wise and innocent all at once. The gray eyes are filled with both love and longing, pain and wisdom. Her eyebrows raise at the sight of you and then she settles into a pleasant smile.
Candee:The man rises to meet her on the path before she arrives at the point where you've been sitting in the embrace like long-lost friend or kinsman, and he says to her Mother, we have a visitor today, come rest yourself. Mother, we have a visitor today, come rest yourself. She laughs at him in a merry way and her laugh goes off across the valley and mingles with the burble of the water. And she says to you Welcome, stranger, it's not often we get visitors, but I'm glad you're here. Come, I've brought some bread and wine and we'll share some stories.
Candee:The man resumes his spot across from yours and the woman sits on the ground nearby. She unrolls her bundle and out comes a wineskin and some crusty bread which he passes to you. You taste the crusty bread it is still warm, as if just coming from the oven. You let the wine run into your mouth and it is as if grapes and honey were melded into one perfect liquid. It into one perfect liquid. Your thirst is quenched immediately and you pass it on to the man next to you, stranger. She says to you --what brings you to our little meadow? And you say to her I am out for a day with God. And she begins that marvelous laugh again and says to you you couldn't have picked a more perfect day, you couldn't have picked a more perfect place. You couldn't have picked a more perfect time.
Candee:You notice the man had only taken a few crumbs of bread and did not touch the wineskin but passed it back to the woman called Mother. And then he says to you I'm going up the hill for a while and I'm going to leave you two to get acquainted, but I'll be back soon. And he gets up and disappears over the next rides. The two of you watch him walk away and there's silence between you, but it is pleasant and charged with anticipation. --Call me mother, she says. And what shall I call you stranger? -- You think for a moment. It doesn't seem like she's asking for your name exactly, but rather for your purpose. And so you say to her I am a traveler in grief on a path to God. I need him now. I want to know him more intimately, I want to know him like a brother, a kinsman. I need his love and support right now, for I have lost someone most dear to me. She looks at you wisely and said well, I think you've come to the right place, but the two of them will be a while, so let's get to know one another.
Candee:She reaches back into the bundle and there are long strips of grasses which have been partially woven into baskets. She hands you one and takes up the other, and the two of you sit side by side weaving baskets and getting to know one another. If you had come up on this scene, you would think the two of you were very close friends, enjoying each other, enjoying the day and attending to nothing more than the weaving of baskets. Nothing more than the weaving of baskets. And you didn't even know you could weave. But she takes your hands and moves them over the grass pieces until you pick it up quite easily.
Candee:And during the course of this conversation with Mother, you share your heart. You share your broken heart. You share your deepest desires, your hopes and dreams, the sadness and the losses. You share a little bit about your lost loved one and how they are so missed in your life. And you also share your love for God. You share what it means to be on this grief journey toward him and with him, and she shares with you some of her stories about taking her son along to a family wedding. She shares the story of their family running out of wine.
Candee:And she knew that that was the day her son began to leave her, that he would no longer be at her side constantly, that it was her turn to be with him and follow him and attend to the people who would be following him. And so, as the caravan left the wedding the next day, her son took up the lead. She tells the story of traveling with him and how people joined along the way, how he took up 12 very close friends who left their lives to follow him. She was curious about that still, why they would leave their families, their work, their synagogues. She trusted her son, but she was a little amazed when others did so. But she knew they were saying yes to God and that was the most important part. She had seen what the power of God's love could accomplish Healings, the banishment of darkness, compassion for all of those on the margin of life, the poor, the ill, the forgotten, the grieving. If he could help them. He should do so, whatever the cost. She talked like any mother who is proud of their son, proud of what he has accomplished, and then her voice trails off and she says to you you know what happens in the end A mother can skip that part.
Candee:Then the two of you weave in silence. After a time the man comes down the hill toward you deliberately and he reaches his hand down to you. You can see that the skin on his hand is as tough as leather, but smooth. And he reaches down for your other hand to raise you up and says to you I am called Inigo. --My brother waits above for you.
Candee:Mother has prepared you for your visit on these days. When he comes to visit, he takes over the cave and I let him, because it is a space that is filled with prayer and he likes to sit there on the edge of it where he can see the comings and the goings and knows when Mother sends someone to him he will be ready. He just sits there in the cave where there is a view of the river and the forest behind and all the blue sky and all of the animals and all of the birds at his feet. I let him stay as long as he wants. It's the least I can do. Mother smiles up at him. He takes both of your hands and leads you up the hill to the cave where Jesus awaits to envelop you and all your sorrows, to weep with you about the loss of your loved one, to hold you close in his heart.
Candee:Go with God. She calls after you. Go with God. Go with God. That concludes another episode. A new one drops every Friday. Please join us on Spotify, Amazon Music or Apple. Thank you for joining us. Spiritual direction is always available. See my contact email in the show notes. This is Candee Lucas, your host, chaplain and spiritual director. Go with God. Namaste, Vaya con Dios.
